warning, this entry is too short to read. sometimes this is the place where i go when i know no ones listening. because no one wants to listen anymore, or talk, the human to human contact conversation has been too overbearing that when an adolescent actually decides to do the opposite of not talking to their parents, you know the one parent that makes two, all this time prying, might have meant caring, in an undeserving manner. this is a place i come when everyones done listening to what i have to say, but im fucking grateful, because if this if my life, this is all our lives, and our deaths, and our real tears, and the water that runs through our body and the thoughts that make us react the way we do, and maybe its okay once in a while to think right, think twice-start trusting people because no one you know-in the city i go to when i dont want to be heard, and i bet you didnt even understand a fucking word- because remember, yer not listening, youre waiting for yer turn to speak, and your parents didnt really mean to have you, well, they meant to, they just dont know quite what do to......so why do i? over emotional-sun spots- spun spots, and either way the world revolves around the sun-and there are living suns and moons, waiting for you to revolve around them, and just let them exist on this planet, in a black hole--------a black hole is the place i go where i know no one will listen, and i wonder if it echos so i can live in it forever and hear myself, at least for a little while. here i go again, in a place where no one wants to listen unless you have nothing to say, yer lack of nothing to say matters. so just shut the fuck up and be----why cant we LET IT BE-(whisper words of wisdom, there will be an answer, why cant we even IMAGINE anymore? because were busy, im busy donating our lucky nonsense lives----so the child will go to the parent, the two that are one, and you really start to lose yer charm over 20 years, and i never fight my tears, theyre a fucking blessing, pity, no-just raw human emotion that no one seems to be catching onto, this entire world is made of silicon and we do practically anything to stray from whats right in front of us, and thats the entire point, too many who are lost in whateverfix yourself because yer never good enough, are ya girl? i dont think theres a number high enough to count how many ways we can leave this earth, letting knowledge pass you by because public school was too easy to try, but i hear its hard when yer impressionable, to always DO THE RIGHT THING (thanks spike lee). But still all is okay, everything is just fine cuz more than half the human beings we ever meet are doing "just fine"-its easy to tell someone how youre doing, you say, just fine---and thats okay with them because the ice breaker can also be the manipulator, not in a threatening way, but the american way, the way where we might have worse problems than any other country, not war or poverty. just insanity, hypocrisy, turkey and stuffing, stuff in general because the government will be yer real parents if you dont die before them, and which door? which fucking way? whos the one that always tells the truth, and who is the one that always lies, please, tell me so i can get through this labrynth and all the mistakes i make dont matter because im marking my path on my body of where ive been---with lipstick and arrows, because the peach tastes so good and makes me feel whole, sadly, i was tricked cuz when i took my first bite it was so good, i began dancing with david bowie, the man who distracts me so i dont obtain what i came for, the ugly lady that showed me all my old toys, even a music box and a locket inside a book, i love all these things but thats not why i came here, its where i remain to stay until i obtain what it is, im still a long ways till the end of the labrynth, but i wished and i wished, i wish to be in a place, where people not only listen to what you say, but genuinely care. 2004 and we've never been more bitter. come on people now, smile on yer brother. the souls i hold inside my two most vitals--the emotion and the logic, and i hope its uncomfortable for everyone when i hold my head up, being genuinly happy providing for importance with everything ive got,im full of fucking glee knowing that its easier to control other peoples minds instead of yer own, and thats when yer on yer own, also thats why-and intelligent if not wise life may not be as important as everything is unimportant, how it seems that when yer done crying, yer tears just get soaked up in yer face while yer ducts are already generating 100 more for the next 3 days, waiting for another day to do their human duty--and i think i just came to peace, i think i just came to mind, but not in a human, were actually living this life secure with lies and dillusions, and in no way am i saying i dont lie or im not dillusional, thats exactly what i am saying, the only problem is, yer not and if i tell you--you do lie, you can get dillusional, well thats just an impossibility cause changes are you havnt even broken the barrier to self securty, as a matter of fact, america is a big baby, wet behind the ears at a decline for several years so ill use as many tears as it takes to get through it. she always said i couldnt finish anything i started, well if i cant do that, maybe i can start whats already finished, its the washed up, always fucking in the anus, because when he says these are his interests, because when he says this is him i look into the windows of his soul and see nothing, perhaps a dark void if im lucky, thats why ill stare into the eyes of everyone ive met and ask the question that everyone wants to know, why do we have to have aquaintences? because we cant handle being alone, but our car is parked out on the driveway of ther million dollar home with a sticker on it that says god bless america, and you know what i say to that? touche. live it up tonight before you realize yer retired and you didnt give anything a chance because--"what if" because we wanna know how the bed feels before we lay on it, because we somehow didnt cause our teenage girls to eat everything in sight and get rid of it, or just not eat at all, because looking unhealthy and unnatural on the exterior of your body-vehicle, because because because, and you didnt ask me a damn thing. well im just saying it because, this wont ever leave, its an ever-lasting thing. but were so technologically advanced! okay but we didnt master the art of compromising over killing, killing other people or hurting them in some mental or physical way means you win and yer powerful, and theres nothing like somebody paying such due honor to this place we consider home--in this place where domesticated animals are either always alone, or being mistreaded, because you can always attack someone with no defenses, so instead of saying what if, this tim eim gonna say, i fucking i hope so, just give me reason in the real--the psyche in the human psyche--what you think you were just born an adult? do you think yer opinion (if you have one--spinelessness) hatched itself like an egg in yer head and everyone will clap when you are dead, when im dead, theyll say something like she was insane, and plenty of other good and bad things because THATS WHAT WE DO AND IT NEVER CHANGES. im stuck in a dream on loop that serves as a constant benevolence and the flip side of that, the new millenium brought about many a new under-developed, half assed, and handed down---its something we should see more often because watching people strive for perfection is never as pleasurable as watching them suffer and i am the spawn of a saint-like wise as an understatement, and the perfect example of someone who has a heart thats whole, bigger than yer head type man raised in a rich home and still sticks by the belief of unconditional love and thats what he gave me--the most amazing person ive ever got to know as a person, too bad for you i got the best dad, but the ying always goes with the mothafuckin yang, born in the womb of a woman, with the mind of a 14 year old she pretty much just gave birth to me and showed me the cryptic, and told me my dad was just a dick-well,honestly, i dont think she ever knew him. just like you and yer significant other will never really know eachother because after a while, yer expected to commit because oh shit i got pregnant, and i'll laugh just as hard at you as i did at myself when i was in the situation. and theyre all the same----i love you baby baby baby, more pillow talk that were all aware of and there you are, against yer will, just like yer parents because once the apple falls from the tree it never thinks of the possibility of getting up and walking away and saying---this is like, and more importantly, its my life. i dont want to change the world because the world wants to change me, no, they dont, and i feel no pity for them for being ignorant---"you having a tattoo means a lot more than just ink on yer skin, im sure it has something to do with satanism and drugs and mosh pits and no. and it just cant go both ways-typing maniacally to make up for lost time time time time is not on my side tonight---this has been the day that never ends i think they have a song like that but why sit here and keep trying to make sense when i can smoke POT, when i ran up to the tenth story suite, "dude it was heela sweet", when i got orange sunshine i was reborn then died. so if yer reading this, yer eyes must be deceiving you (again) another promise, another pact, another something i'll never take back---this convalescent country, its so insane its beautiful and beauty dies too soon, so before i go, im gonna let you know, no, no, no nowhere, nothing, no more vengeance, no more yelling, no more not smoking pot because yer too insecure, fight the power or not, i dont care, im just another human but not like you im gonna make a mix tape and play it so fast that it brainwashes, and its a public service announcment of my truth---the saying for this country should be "hi, we are the people who run the united states and yer merely a tenant scraping to survive with 10 kids, on welfare in government housing with a tin roof, one nation, under god. so stand up, this is us, all of us, a whole lot of people neglecting, rejecting, disecting, erecting, penetrating, paying paying paying, and when we see eachother in society, we dont have to act like other people dont exist, but we have to act to exist, like "thank you so much for coming, have a good day"

now who cares when someone says thank you or have a good day?

no one, its called bribing you to make the economy grow (although i never understood why bigger isnt really better, its just another excuse to stuff yer face with food thats fast and spend yer time with people who go way too fast, you gotta hang out in the back with me, i stop to smell the flowers, plus you never know what yer gonna see untill all our heads turn into giant talking cancer cells with not a brain, because it had been replaced with pure data---pretty nasty disease that theres no cure for but happens to be an epidemic, but please, if the men, women, and children in africa are dying of aids, instead of ACTUALLY helping them, we'll send the proceeds to our christian fund rest assured that, that little child yer paying 1.99 a month to feed is doing okay, well sorry, yer charity didnt work because the baby still has scabies, hiv, a belly full of worms, and so skiiny that his skin folds---america has absolutely nothing to do with the aids epidemic! you know what, the holocaust didnt really even happen!and any other questions will be taken via an unhuman source--like people who work on wall street instead of love street--- and you will be ctrl+alt+delete like forever, and dont ask me again, i dont know why people dont grasp the importance of life, the sanctity in all living things, unless one so claims not to be so sanctioned. if you dont fit the program then i'll call yer mom and tell her that you have advanced ADD and she;ll take you to a psychiatrist and youll get adderol, look you solved the problem, not covered it up, im solving this problem its a squared plus b squared equals c squared and what a concept! no but really-pot, bye.

yeah, im just as close to figuring out this labrynth as i was when i was 7, 8, 9 ,10....now

and since the unbelievable things that happen that are good are never put on the news

because being their children, were expected to obey, hey

they even get to say exactly how long youll live today

are you writing a novel? yes.

its about as put together as i am and it needs a cigarrette, a major tranquilizer, and end all childhood conditioning, this country would be spick n span without the conditiong, but then, people might actually start thinking for themselves, like they do when they smoke pot-----so you can neither without being judged at all times, judge me now and never give me a breath of the asbesto ridden/methamphetamine cooking/cat bus residuing shit you call oxygen

smoking cigarrettes was just a birth defect

if theres anything else you want to know, the government will be happy to keep the truth from you

and ill pick pieces of pictures, words, music, and a couple movies that i can relate to

and we realized these movies are supposed to warn you

to teach you

its so defensive

i wouldnt wanna live again on this earth

not as a domestic----okay, you got me i would live on this earth again, just in a different time period suitable for my burning the bra needs.....anything

maybe a freebird.

yeah.

wont you fly............ high..... freebird? 5:04 p.m. 2004-06-27 040607_67.html index.html warning, this entry is too short to read. - 2004-06-27
a ballad by:Kim - 2004-06-07
a favorite. - 2004-06-01
who knows anyways. - 2004-06-01
wipe my hands clean - 2004-05-22